FOR THE LADIES: HOW TO AVOID SINGING THE BLUES

blogging Genesis 29, 30

Now Laban had two daughters: the name of the elder was Leah, and the name of the younger was Rachel. Leah’s eyes were delicate, but Rachel was beautiful of form and appearance.

Now Jacob loved Rachel; so he said, “I will serve you seven years for Rachel your younger daughter.”. . .  So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her

. . . Then Jacob said to Laban, “Give me my wife, for my days are fulfilled, that I may go in to her.”

And Laban gathered together all the men of the place and made a feast

. . .  So it came to pass in the morning, that behold, it was Leah. And he said to Laban, “What is this you have done to me? Was it not for Rachel that I served you? Why then have you deceived me?”

. . . Then Jacob also went in to Rachel, and he also loved Rachel more than Leah. And he served with Laban still another seven years.

. . . When the Lord saw that Leah was unloved, He opened her womb; but Rachel was barren.  So Leah conceived and bore a son, and she called his name Reuben; for she said, “The Lord has surely looked on my affliction. Now therefore, my husband will love me.”  Then she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Because the Lord has heard that I am unloved, He has therefore given me this son also.” And she called his name Simeon. She conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now this time my husband will become attached to me, because I have borne him three sons.” Therefore his name was called Levi And she conceived again and bore a son, and said, “Now I will praise the Lord.” Therefore she called his name Judah. Then she stopped bearing. (Genesis 29:16-35)

For 7 years, Jacob  made it abundantly clear that Rachel was his one true love (Genesis 29: 18-20).  But, Leah believed that she could change him. 

If only he was her man. 

Leah’s dad trapped Jacob into marriage to Leah, and Jacob honored those vows until they were parted by death, but he never really loved Leah (Genesis 29:30).

If she had the chance to “put it on him right” she’d make him love her.  If she had his baby, he would be hers, truly hers.

Jacob and Leah had sex --- a lot of sex.  She bore him 6 sons and his only daughter, and with each new baby she was sure that Now therefore, my husband will love me, now this time my husband will become attached to me.

Leah's troubles may have inspired the late, great blues artist B. B. King.

Leah gave him 7 children, but Jacob never really loved her back. 

And the deep theological insight we derive from this ancient text is: 

IF HE DOESN’T LOVE YOU, HE JUST DOESN’T LOVE YOU.

He might be loving and lovable but not love you. 

He might be really good to her, but that doesn’t mean he’ll be any good to you.

He might find you relationally compatible, maternally impressive, and sexually exciting; but that doesn’t mean he loves you.

 

Some men will say they love you when they really don’t.  Only time and objective discernment can test the truth of a declaration of love.

But if he told you that he DOESN’T love you, you don’t need to perform any tests.  He don’t (grammar intentional).  And he probably never will.

Move on before you fall any deeper, or you’ll end up singing the blues.

---Anderson T. Graves II   is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church in Fairfield, Alabama;  executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO);  and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).

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