A TALE OF TWO STORIES

There is a story of the hard-working single mother who pursued an education, built a career, and is doing everything she can to raise a good young man.  All she asks for is the help of mentors to offset the missing father who refused to honor his responsibilities.

There is a story of the unemployed, never-employed single mother with a toddler in tow, an infant on her hip, and another on the way---- all by different men.  She is doing nothing for herself and has no plans to do so, but she expects everyone else to help her and rescue her from each new self-inflicted crisis.

Both stories are true. 

I know each of these women personally.  They call on me in the same week, sometimes on the same day.  They were the same age during their first pregnancy.  They grew up in the same cities.  They come out of the same neighborhoods.  On the way to school, the walked past the same churches.  They ride past the same community centers on the way to the same Walmart.

An honest reading of statistics prove that these sisters simultaneously exist.

But statistics do not move people to action.  STORIES move people to action.  

The steps you take or don’t, the policies you support and oppose, the way you look at every single parent or the way you avert your eyes from them are all based on which of these 2 sisters’ stories you choose to represent every other woman with a child and no husband.

Both stories are true, but most of you will choose to believe only one.

Which one?

Doesn’t matter because no matter which story you choose, you’ll be wrong.

It’s not as simple as one story.  The truth is more than one story, and an honest reading of the statistics proves that both stories and a multitude of other stories are all simultaneously true.

But we still choose just ONE STORY.  

Some people actually get mad when they’re faced with a different story than the one they chose to believe. 

“That’s not true.”

“Your survey was biased.”

“Your math is fuzzy.”

“Well you’re just one.  Nobody else is like that.”
“Well, well, I.  I just don’t believe that.”

But the stories are all true.

It was true that the Samaritan woman at the well in John chapter 4 was shacking with man #5 (Or was it man #6 after husband #5?). It was simultaneously true that she was the one God arranged to be the first Samaritan to hear the gospel----one on one, directly from Jesus----and to be the original Samaritan evangelist.

It was true that the woman whom the Pharisees dragged before Jesus in John chapter 8 was co-guilty of adultery.  It was simultaneously true that her accusers were guilty of stuff equally bad or worse.  It was true that she needed to stop sinning.  It was simultaneously true that she didn’t need to be condemned and killed.

And Jesus said to her, “Neither do I condemn you; go and sin no more.” (John 8: 1)

Year after year, our churches, our government, our schools,  and all our various efforts FAIL to solve the same problems because we apply ONE STORY solutions.

It’s easier.  Pre-packaged, “research based” programs are basically one-story solutions. 

It’s reasonable.  No human approach can possibly anticipate every variation of the story.

But it’s dishonest.  Pretending that the best practice in every case has to come from your chosen story is an exercise in self-deception. 

If I reply to the second sister I talked about from the same script I use with the first sister, or vice versa--- I’m going to achieve nothing good.  Even less if I insist that the 1^st sister is really the same person as the 2^nd, or vice versa, and ought to stop pretending and “keep it real.”

Both stories are true.

Think about which story you believe.  Not just which story of a single mother, but which story you believe about “those people” (whomever those people are).   You’ve heard the other stories.  Yes, you have; but you haven’t believed them.

Why?

I know it’s easier.

I know it’s reasonable.

But is it honest?

Don’t reduce an entire demographic to ONE STORY.

Jesus didn’t. 

---Anderson T. Graves II   is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Hall Memorial CME Church in Montgomery, Alabama, executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO) and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).

Email atgravestwo2@aol.com

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