In
February in Ohio, a man got into an argument with his wife and threw a coffee
mug at her. He missed and hit their 2
month old son. He wasn’t aiming for the boy. He was mad at his wife.
Their
son died. (Link
to article.)
In
2 Samuel chapter 11, King David committed adultery with Bathsheba and had her
husband killed to cover it up. In the
next chapter, God sent the prophet Nathan to David with this message: Because
by this deed you have given great occasion to the enemies of the Lord to
blaspheme, the child also who is
born to you shall surely die. (2 Samuel 12:14)
Neither
David nor Bathsheba aimed their sin at their innocent child, but that is who
absorbed the brunt of consequences for their sin.
I
live in perpetual fear of scenarios like these. I’m scared that I will do something
unrelatedly stupid that will ricochet onto my children, so I pray, “Lord,
please don’t let them hurt because of me!”
But
here’s the truth stated by the Bible and reinforced by current events: as
parents, our choices --- positive and negative ---- affect our children, even
when the choosing has nothing to do with them.
What
I do with my money, my money that I’ve earned, will expand or limit the options
my children have as they enter adulthood.
The
way I treat people, especially my wife, will forever shape what my daughter and
my son expect from and give to every significant relationship they have.
My
walk with God in accord with or in contrast to the Scriptures I claim to
believe: that’s the filter through which my children and the grandchildren who
look to them for spiritual guidance will process every theological idea that
pops into their heads.
When
I was a kid in early elementary school, my father and I were watching a pro
football game. I remember that the Dallas Cowboys were playing. Pops made an out loud comment to himself about how stupid the game was and how the
players didn’t know him, didn’t care about him, and it didn’t make sense for
him to care about their stupid game. He
kept watching the game. Heck, he wasn’t
even really talking to me, but to this day I have no interest whatsoever in
professional sports. I don’t even watch
the Superbowl.
What
we throw out hits them even if they’re not the ones we’re aiming at.
That’s
what I think it means when God says that He visits the iniquity of the fathers upon the children and the children’s
children to the third and the fourth generation. (Exodus 34: 7b)
The
rule inthis life is that what we throw out as parents WILL ricochet onto our
children. Ricochet and reverberate for
generations.
And
the only reason the accumulation of ancestral idiocy hasn’t rendered us all too
screwed up to function is that God in the same breath declares Himself to the
God who keeps mercy for thousands,
forgiving iniquity and transgression and sin. (Exodus 34: 7a)
Because
God is merciful, He has interceded so that my children are on track to growing
into better persons than I was and am.
He is answering my cry, “Lord, please don’t let me screw them up!”
But
because I understand the rule, I am still very careful about what I throw. I’m more and more mindful and intentional
with money decisions. I try (I tryyyy)
to treat everybody like my kids will review the interaction on youtube. I live and pray and fail but never surrender
in pursuit of the holiness to which every believer is called.
I
can’t predict when my kids will step into the path of the words, actions, and
example I toss out into the world.
Neither can you. But we can order our lives according to God’s
Word so that whatever touches them from our hands raises them up and doesn’t
lay them low.
---Anderson T. Graves
II is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry,
and rural leadership development.
Rev.
Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church in Fairfield,
Alabama; executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking
Organization (SAYNO); and director of
rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).
Email atgravestwo2@aol.com
You
can help support Rev. Graves’ work by visiting his personal blog and clicking the DONATE button
on the right-hand sidebar.
Support
by check or money order may be mailed to
Miles
Chapel CME Church
P O
Box 132
Fairfield,
Al 35064
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