DON'T DIE ANGRY, a lesson from the death of Jacob

Blogging Genesis 48-50

Then Israel charged his sons and said to them: “I am to be gathered to my people; bury me with my fathers in the cave that is in the field of Ephron the Hittite. . .  There they buried Abraham and Sarah his wife, there they buried Isaac and Rebekah his wife, and there I buried Leah. . .  And when Jacob had finished commanding his sons, he drew his feet up into the bed and breathed his last, and was gathered to his people (Genesis 49: 29 - 33).

In his letter to the early church in Ephesus, Paul explained how to live as a good Christian in a world and in a church where other people don’t always live like good Christians.  Drawing on Old Testament advice from Psalms 4:4, the apostle said, “Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath (Ephesians 4: 26).

As a pastor who’s performed, it seems like, a LOT of funerals I’ve noticed a trend in obituaries where instead of “birth – death” the program will say “sunrise – sunset.”  The image of death as a sunset is beautiful and perhaps comforting but combined with Paul’s advice it’s also challenging.  

Challenging because a fair number of Christians enter the sunset of their lives as Jacob, aka Israel did.  It isn’t a state that negates one’s salvation, but it is a state that can have far-reaching negative consequences.  So, please don’t go out like Jacob did.

Jacob died angry.

And he died often.  Jacob was like that old auntie who sends for the whole family in June because the Lord is calling her home and she gets out of the hospital 2 days later; then she calls the whole family to her bedside in October because the Lord is calling her home and she gets out of the hospital that afternoon; and next August she sends a message that can you fly in because she wants to see you one last time before the Lord calls her home and when you get to the hospital they’ve already discharged her, etc., etc.

Jacob was at death’s door when he first thought that Joseph had been killed

And all his sons and all his daughters arose to comfort him; but he refused to be comforted, and he said, “For I shall go down into the grave to my son in mourning.” Thus his father wept for him (Genesis 37:35).

And, when he reunited with Joseph.

And Israel said to Joseph, “Now let me die, since I have seen your face, because you are still alive” (Genesis 46:30).

And, when he called in Joseph to explain his wishes for his funeral.

When the time drew near that Israel must die, he called his son Joseph and said to him. . . Please do not bury me in Egypt, but let me lie with my fathers; you shall carry me out of Egypt and bury me in their burial place” (Genesis 47:29-30).

And, when he amended his will to include two of his grandsons.

Now it came to pass after these things that Joseph was told, “Indeed your father is sick”; and he took with him his two sons, Manasseh and Ephraim (Genesis 48:1).

But when the Lord did actually, finally call Jacob home, Israel went out in a blaze of bitterness. 

First of all, he made Joseph’s sons joint-heirs with their uncles.

And now your two sons, Ephraim and Manasseh, who were born to you in the land of Egypt before I came to you in Egypt, are mine; as Reuben and Simeon, they shall be mine. Your offspring whom you beget after them shall be yours; they will be called by the name of their brothers in their inheritance (Genesis 48:5-6).

The firstborn son is assigned the double inheritance. So basically, on his deathbed, Jacob-Israel told his 10 oldest sons “I never really liked ya’ll anyway.  As far as I’m concerned, Joseph is my firstborn.”

To Jacob’s credit, he didn’t publicly call out his sons for selling Joseph into slavery.   Joseph had forgiven them and Jacob apparently let that go, too.  But, Jacob did use his dying breaths to go all the way back to the oldest of old offenses that his eldest 3 sons had every committed. 

In his last words, Father Jacob cursed his eldest children.

“Reuben, you are my firstborn, my might and the beginning of my strength, the excellency of dignity and the excellency of power.   Unstable as water, you shall not excel, because you went up to your father’s bed; then you defiled it.  He went up to my couch.

 “Simeon and Levi are brothers; instruments of cruelty are in their dwelling place. Let not my soul enter their council; let not my honor be united to their assembly;  for in their anger they slew a man, And in their self-will they hamstrung an ox.  Cursed be their anger, for it is fierce; And their wrath, for it is cruel! I will divide them in Jacob and scatter them in Israel” (Genesis 49:3-7).

Jacob dumped that on his sons and their descendants inherited the emotional baggage of their grandfather’s curse.

Imagine being a Reubenite, Simeonite, or Levite (like Moses) for the next 500-plus years.  Imagine that every time you heard or spoke the name of your nation you remembered that the father of your nation cursed your community ---- with his dying breath.

(Cough . . . cough. George Washington was a slaveowner until the day he died and Thomas “all men are created equal” Jefferson’s will only emancipated 5 of his dozens of slaves and those 5 did not include Sally Hemmings the slave by whom the married Jefferson had at least 6 children . . . cough . . . cough)

That’s a lot of emotional baggage to pass down through the generations. 

You might even expect some of those the descendants to carry some latent rage. 

And a man of the house of Levi went and took as wife a daughter of Levi. ² So the woman conceived and bore a son. . . And when she saw that he was a beautiful child, she hid him three months. ³ But when she could no longer hide him, she took an ark of bulrushes for him, daubed it with asphalt and pitch, put the child in it, and laid it in the reeds by the river’s bank. . . And the child grew, and she brought him to Pharaoh’s daughter, and he became her son. So she called his name Moses. . . when Moses was grown. . .  he saw an Egyptian beating a Hebrew, one of his brethren. So he looked this way and that way, and when he saw no one, he killed the Egyptian and hid him in the sand (Exodus 2:1-12).

You might expect some of those descendants to carry some self-hate. 

Now Korah the son of Izhar, the son of Kohath, the son of Levi, with Dathan and Abiram the sons of Eliab, and On the son of Peleth, sons of Reuben, took men;  and they rose up before Moses with some of the children of Israel, two hundred and fifty leaders of the congregation, representatives of the congregation, men of renown. ³ They gathered together against Moses and Aaron (Numbers 16:1-3).

Jacob was an important man whose words of blessing and words of cursing had profound consequences.  But Jacob was just a man.  

No man’s words to you or about you is the final say, not even if they’re your father’s final words, not even if the words are a prophetic declaration. 

God alone has the last say about you and your destiny. 

The descendants of Levi were divided among and scattered across the tribes of Israel, but not as nomads or vagabonds.  God made the Levites the tribe of priests and judges.  Jacob said:  let not my honor be united to their assembly.  God overruled Jacob and gave Levi the united honor of all Israel.

Daddy or granddaddy or founding fathers declare their opinion, preference, and predictions about who you and your people are and can be.   But you don’t have to conform to that.  Those historic men were important, but those men aren’t God.  Prove them wrong.  Succeed anyway. 

Jacob-Israel installed Joseph as his firstborn, intending for descendants of his 11^th son to rule over all the others.  But Judah and his descendants didn’t care. 

Now the sons of Reuben the firstborn of Israel—he was indeed the firstborn, but because he defiled his father’s bed, his birthright was given to the sons of Joseph, the son of Israel, so that the genealogy is not listed according to the birthright; yet Judah prevailed over his brothers, and from him came a ruler, although the birthright was Joseph’s (1 Chronicles 5:1-2).

Israel died old-man angry and bestowed an unnecessarily painful legacy on a segment of his population.  Don’t die angry.  Don’t let the sun set on bitter words that God has to spend generations undoing. 

And if you are living in the shadow of an angry parents’ death ----- defy them.  

Succeed anyway.  Define your legacy for yourself.  Prevail.

The Levites defied Father Israel’s curse and gave us the Moses, the Law, and the sacrifices that laid the foundation for the gospel.   The sons of Judah defied Father Israel’s expectations, defined their own legacy, and gave us kings and psalmists and books of wisdom and the Bible’s dirty love Song ---- and Jesus.

Don’t let an angry sunset determine the rest of your days.

--Anderson T. Graves II   is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church in Fairfield, Alabama. He writes a blog called A Word to the Wise at www.andersontgraves.blogspot.com

Email atgravestwo2@aol.com

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Support by check or money order may be mailed to 

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P O Box 132

Fairfield, Al 35064

FAMILY HISTORY

Blogging Genesis chapters 5-6

When I was a kid in Sunday school, I learned that Adam and Eve had 3 children: Cain, Abel, and Seth.  I learned that because Cain murdered Abel all of Cain’s descendants were evil, but all of Seth’s children were good.  I learned that God chose Noah and his family to survive the Great Flood and restart humanity because Noah was a righteous man and the Lord wanted to preserve the good side of Adam’s family.   

Noah and Cain's grandson from the movie "Noah"

I learned a clean, easy to follow, simple story of Biblical family history.

I learned wrong.

Ten years later I learned that I had relatives I didn’t know were related to me because their connection to the family was a secret.  I learned that all of the families I’d grown up with had similar secrets.  It kinda broke me for a minute.

People prefer the clean, overly-simplified, incorrect version of our family histories.  We need the truth.

Young me, present me, and current you all need the truth about the first family so we can process the truth about our families.  So let me tell you three things my Sunday school teachers didn’t tell me.

#1.  Adam and Eve had more than 3 children.

After he begot Seth, the days of Adam were eight hundred years; and he had sons and daughters. ⁵ So all the days that Adam lived were nine hundred and thirty years; and he died. (Genesis 5:4)

Adam lived 800 years more AFTER Seth was born.  He and Eve had plenty of time for ---- you know what they had time for.

P.S. Nobody’s family tree is as straight and narrow as our public histories imply.  Every family  (Yes. Yours, too.) has secret marriages, forgotten divorces, unclaimed children, and other secret side branches that didn’t make into the back of grandma’s Bible.

#2.  Cain’s side of the family wasn’t the only side with issues.

Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. (Genesis 6:5)

Genesis chapter 5 traces Adam’s biological line through Seth.  Chapter 6 doesn’t mention a shift from that side of the family.  Chapter 6 also doesn’t mention Cain or his descendants.  So, if Cain’s descendants at that time were part of humanity’s widespread wickedness, they were only part of it.  Noah’s brothers and sisters were descendants of Seth the good, but God didn’t invite them onto the ark.  So, Seth’s other descendants were equally involved in the sinful culture of the pre-Flood world.

P.S. Tell the truth.  Everyone at your Thanksgiving dinner table doesn’t have a clean record either.  I mean they might not have been convicted, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t guilty.

#3.  Cultural or ethnic dominance does not equal moral or spiritual superiority.

There were giants on the earth in those days, and also afterward, when the sons of God came in to the daughters of men and they bore children to them. Those were the mighty men who were of old, men of renown. (Genesis 6:4)

The giants were the most famous, most powerful, and (probably) most admired people in Noah’s time.  In God’s eyes, they were also the embodiment of everything that was wrong with human culture.

Then the Lord saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth, and that every intent of the thoughts of his heart was only evil continually. ⁶ And the Lord was sorry that He had made man on the earth, and He was grieved in His heart. (Genesis 6:5-6)

P.S.  The household with the biggest house may not be the happiest family.  The ones in the trailer with the raggedy shed out back may be the most emotionally and spiritually healthy unit at the family reunion. 

Don’t judge any person by their prosperity, appearance, or genealogical pedigree.  Not even yourself.    Our parents, upbringings, our history as a people---- they shape us and affect us, but they must not fully define us.

Who are we as a nation when our founding fathers turn out to be hypocrites, heretics, and opportunists?

Who are we as racial and cultural groups when our honored ancestors turn out to be not as universally honorable as we had thought? 

Who are we as children when the ancestors we revered turn out to be at least as much sinner as they were saints?

Who are we when ancestral villains turn out to be as heroic as the heroes, and our genealogical heroes turn out to be as sinful as the villains?

Who are we? Who are you?  The book of Genesis tells you.

The beginning of Scripture show us that no matter what family history produced you, God created you.  God created YOU, specifically YOU, in His image.  Claim that ancestry.  Define yourself by that genesis. 

Your genealogy describes you, but only God can define you.

---Anderson T. Graves II   is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church in Fairfield, Alabama;  executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO);  and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).

Subscribe to my personal blog  www.andersontgraves.blogspot.com .

Email atgravestwo2@aol.com

Friend me at www.facebook.com/rev.a.t.graves

Follow me on twitter @AndersonTGraves  #Awordtothewise 

You can help support this ministry with a donation to Miles Chapel CME Church.

You can help support Rev. Graves’ work by visiting his personal blog and clicking the DONATE button on the right-hand sidebar.

Support by check or money order may be mailed to 

Miles Chapel CME Church

P O Box 132

Fairfield, Al 35064

THE (REST OF THE) GOLDEN RULE FOR PARENTS

In Matthew 7, Jesus praised God’s parenting skills.  Our Heavenly Father, as Jesus explained, is the standard and model for all human parents.

If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! (Matthew 7: 11)

And that is the context for one of the most quoted (and misquoted) verses in the Bible, the Golden Rule.

Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets. (Matthew 7: 12)

Jesus repeated this rule, probably lots of times.  Luke recorded one of those reiterations in  chapter 6. 

And just as you want men to do to you, you also do to them likewise.(Luke 6: 31)

Or, as we put it on our decorative plates, “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

Jesus, genius that He is, encapsulated the entirety of ethics and social morality in one sentence.   But, for us to fully apply the Golden Rule, we have to do what our Heavenly Father did.  We have to apply the Golden Rule forward AND in reverse.

The inverse of Matthew 7 would read: “Whatever you want done to other men, do that also to yourself.”

God proclaimed judgment for the sins of men, judgment by death and separation from His grace.  So, what did God do to Himself?

He gave Himself, the Word of His Trinity to take sin upon Himself and die.  And when He, His Son, was covered in sin on the cross, the Father looked away and the Son cried out “Eli, Eli, lama sabachthani?” that is, “My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?” (Matthew 27: 46)

God did to Himself/ His Son what He would do to others.

God applied His own rules to Himself.

For with what judgment you judge, you will be judged; and with the measure you use, it will be measured back to you.  (Matthew 7: 2)

And God is our model as parents------ right?

O.K.  Now think about how you reacted when you heard about Chris Brown beating up Rhianna. How indignant were you when you saw the video of a big pro football player punching his slender girlfriend in the face?  Recall your reaction when you read about a federal judge beating up his wife and getting away with what amounts to a promise to erase the charge from his record?

Don’t you want justice for the women?  Don’t you want JUDGMENT against the men who treated those ladies with violence instead of the respect they deserve?

Good.

But now, imagine (or remember) your son’s principal calling to tell you he hit a girl at school?

Do you want YOUR son punished?  Do you want YOUR SON  to lose his place on the football team?  Do you want your son to feel the full weight of JUDGMENT?

Or do you ask, “Well, what did the little b***** do to him?”

Do you want others to judge your son the same way you want them judged?

If God is your model as a parent, you should.

You don’t have to be a monster to turn your child into one.  All you have to do is defend them when they behave monstrously.

When Jesus was covered in sin on the cross, God didn’t make excuses for Him----- and Jesus was/ is personally perfect.  Your baby and mine?  They’re not perfect.    What excuse do we have for the excuses we make for them? 

Spare the rod and spoil the child.  Well what if the rod is in somebody else’s hands?

Yes, protect them from evil. Yes, defend them against every INjustice.  Demand equity.  Advocate for their rights, privileges, and advantage.

But.

Just remember the Golden Rule.   Remember how God applied the Golden Rule to His Son.  Let’s do the same for our children.   It won’t kill them.  It’ll make them better people.

If God is for us, who can be against us?  He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him up for us all, how shall He not with Him also freely give us all things? (Romans 8: 31-32)

---Rev. Anderson T. Graves II   (email:  atgravestwo2@aol.com )

Anderson T. Graves II is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church (5220 Myron Massey Boulevard) in Fairfield, Alabama;  executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO);  and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).

Subscribe to my blog at www.andersontgraves.blogspot.com  

Friend me at www.facebook.com/rev.a.t.graves

A WORD TO THE WISE. Proverbs 30: 17. "Your Parents Through Your Eyes"

Proverbs 30: 17     The eye that mocks his father, and scorns obedience to his mother, the ravens of the valley will pick it out, and the young eagles will eat it.

Proverbs 30: 17.  Jesus said, “The lamp of the body is the eye. If therefore your eye is good, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eye is bad, your whole body will be full of darkness..” (Matthew 6: 22, 23a)

In other words, “It all depends on how you look at it.”

Your perspective-----the way you look at what you’re doing and what has been done to you-----helps decide whether you begin your journey full of light or full of darkness. 

When I was an English teacher at Capitol Height Jr. High School, I started the year with my students seated in alphabetical order.  One kid, a skinny, self-avowed thug regularly skipped school.  He never did homework. He never brought a book or paper to class. He was disruptive and disrespectful.  I called his parents every day that he was in class, but they were more frustrated and desperate for a solution than I was.

The young man in front of him was exactly the opposite.  He was a chubby, geeky, honor student.  He was quiet, polite, and focused.  He and his best friend, a little Asian kid, drew manga comics and designed video games as a hobby and sometimes for extra credit.

We were halfway through the first semester when I realized that the thug and the honor student were brothers.  Not stepbrothers.  Not half-brothers.  Brother brothers.  They both lived in the same 2-parent, working class home.  They shared a room.

Most of the kids in the class didn’t know they were brothers even though some of them had been classmates since 3^rdgrade.  The boys didn’t mention it because each of them was ashamed of the other.

One brother saw their parents and their home as a place of light.  The restrictions and imperfections encouraged him to learn and to succeed in every positive way available.

The other brother saw their family through eyes full of darkness.  His parents were “lame.”  Their marriage was “lame.”  Good grades were “lame.” School was “lame.”  Only the guys in the streets were real.

The thug brother was actually older, but he’d failed so many times that he ended up in the same class as his “good” little brother.  He didn’t pass that year either.

Your perspective on your parents is crucial.

Even if your parents failed you, your perspective on them matters.  You cannot go back and change their dysfunction, addiction, abuse, neglect, absence, immaturity, incarceration, or incompetence.  But you can decide whether or not it poisons your mindset.  

You can determine that daddy’s and mama’s sins will be a lesson in how not to live and a motivation for you to break the cycle.  You can look at your parents and fill your eyes with light.

Or, you can choose to see their failures as a precursor to your own.  You can repeat the lie that, “I’ll never be anything, either.” You can look at your parents and fill your eyes with darkness.  But you don’t have to.

They’re YOUR eyes.  It’s your mind and your mindset.  You choose, but be careful.

Jesus went on to say, “If therefore the light that is in you is darkness, how great is that darkness!” (Matthew 6: 23b)

The last half of Proverbs 30: 17, warns that a dark-filled eye will become prey for ravens and young eagles.  The word here for eagles can also refer to vultures.  The point is that filling your eyes with darkness will turn you into food for scavengers. 

Living your life filled with hate for your parents and empty of hope because of them------ will kill you.

Don’t let the darkness destroy you.

Where there was right, remember it.  Where there was wrong, forgive. 

Where they were wise, respect them.  Where they were foolish, forgive.

Where they spoke life, receive it.  Where they spoke death, decline it.

Choose your perspective.

Be filled with light.

---Anderson T. Graves II   is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Hall Memorial CME Church in Montgomery, Alabama.

Call  334-288-0577
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