I love my father who is in
Bassfield, Mississippi. Now that I’m a
husband and father myself I understand his paternal decision-making process
much more clearly. I appreciate the
wisdom and provision he supplied. I
empathize with his mistakes and forgive his shortcomings. Now I do.
But when I was a younger man I had
major daddy issues.
At one point, I literally hated my
father; so I wasn’t all that enthusiastic when the preachers hooped and
hollered about me having another Father, in Heaven. Heck, I was having enough trouble with the
one I had on Earth.
One of the reasons (one of several) that
teenage me didn’t embrace the offer of
salvation was that in my mind God up there was just like Daddy down here, and I
didn’t want to commit my life to someone that mean----- a good provider, a good
protector, but definitely not somebody I wanted to live with for freakin’ ever,
and ever, and ever.
Our understanding of God THE Father begins
with our understanding of what it means to be A father, which is based on the ways we
perceive our human dads.
And society has major daddy issues.
The National Fatherhood Institute
calculates that there are 70.1 million fathers in America. In 2012, only 24.4
million of those fathers were part of married-couple families
with children younger than 18.
Other studies found that in 2012, 24 percent of children in
America lived with only their mothers; or to put it another way, ¼ of American
kids live without their dads.
67% of Black children are born to
single mothers. Or, we could say that 2
out of 3 Black children are born of a father who has not made a legal or religious
commitment to their family. (And the
state committing a man to child support is not the same as a man committing
himself to be their father who is in the house.)
Society has major daddy issues.
And our daddy issues affect how we
think about and interact with God the Father.
We don’t interact with God like He’s
our Father in Heaven. We treat God like He’s our Baby’s
Daddy Who is in Heaven.
We give God our Baby’s Daddy weekend
visits. Sundays, mostly after 10 A.M. We usually arrive late and we never want
to stay past the usual time.
God our Father wants to be a
constant, 7-day-a-week presence in the same home where we spend the rest of the
7 days. God our Father wants His house
to be YOUR house, not just the place you stop by a couple weekends a month.
We expect God our Baby’s Daddy to
pay what we think He owes without getting all up in our business. We have even found the language to seek legal
“decrees and declarations” in our favor without addressing the deeper issues of
our relationship with God.
God our Father is more than a source
of prosperity payments. He wants and
deserves head-of-the-household influence over our decisions. We owe Him the confidence and access to our
lives that a Bride of Christ gives to her Bridegroom.
With all our hearts we blame God our
Baby’s Daddy for everything wrong, and we give only superficial appreciation
for the good He does. “Why did You let
my child get arrested, Lord?” conveniently forgetting all the parenting
decisions we made contrary to what the Bible teaches.
We say, “I thank the Lord that He gave
me the gifts to raise my child well,” apparently not noticing how we manage to
make praising Him still be all about praising ourselves.
We treat the Lord of the universe
like an absentee Baby’s Daddy and the Lord of the Universe replies, “A son honors his father, and a servant his
master. If then I am the Father, where is
My honor? And if I am a Master,
where is My reverence?” Says
the Lord of hosts to you priests who despise My name…. (Malachi 1: 6)
God knows what you’re thinking. So the passage continues: Yet you say, ”In what way have we despised
Your name?”
The next verses from Malachi chapter
1 are an index of the people’s disobedience and disrespect to God. Not the sins of pagans, but the offenses of
those who say, Our Father Who is in
Heaven.
“Should
I accept this from your hand?” says the
Lord. (Malachi 1: 13)
God our Father asks us, “Do you
really think that I’m supposed to take this mess from you?”
The children of God have daddy
issues.
As I grew up I came to understand
what my human father had to deal with. I
started talking to him and listening,
really listening to what he said about who he is and what he had tried ----
imperfectly, but sincerely and lovingly----- to do for my good.
I resolved my daddy issues and
released the resentment I’d held. I
forgave and I received forgiveness. I
gained an ally I had not realized I’d always had. I gained a mentor whose gifts I could then
see in myself. I gained an advisor whose
words help me be a better me. I gained my
father.
The children of God can resolve our
Daddy issues, but we first have to acknowledge that we have some. We have to repent and ask God to forgive us for misunderstanding Him, for underrating His love, and for undervaluing His
authority.
But
now, O Lord, You are our
Father; we are the clay, and
You our potter; and all we are
the work of Your hand. Do
not be furious, O Lord, nor remember iniquity forever. Indeed, please look—we all are Your people! (Isaiah
64: 8, 9)
We have to let go of the resentment
that we have held against our Father Who is in Heaven. He doesn’t deserve it. Though our human dads may have failed us, our
Heavenly Father is not subject to human failings. We have to read His Words about Himself and listen, really listen to what our Heavenly says about Who He is and what He is doing---- perfectly and lovingly----- for our good. Doubtless You are our Father, though
Abraham was ignorant of us, and Israel does not acknowledge us… (Isaiah 63:
16a)
God is the Father we always wanted. God is the Father we have always needed.
You,
O Lord, are our Father; our
Redeemer from Everlasting is
Your name. (Isaiah 63: 16b)
Especially in a world where good
father-child relationships are so rare, a genuine personal relationship
with God our Father has never been more precious.
And
because you are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your
hearts, crying out, “Abba, Father!” (Galatians
4:6)
And according to Jesus Himself, that
relationship is where prayer begins.
“Lord, teach us to pray, as John also taught
his disciples.”
So
Jesus said to them, “When you pray, say: Our Father Who is in heaven…”
---Anderson T. Graves
II is a writer,
community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural
leadership development.
Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of
Hall Memorial CME Church
in Montgomery, Alabama, executive
director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization
(SAYNO) and director of rural leadership
development for the National Institute for Human Development (
NIHD).
If this message helps or touches you, please help support this ministry.
Send a donation of any amount by check or money order.
Mail all contributions to :
Hall Memorial CME Church
541 Seibles Road
Montgomery, AL 36116
