THE HARMONY OF CONTRADICTIONS (CRAZY FAMILY)

It’s Thanksgiving, and I’m thinking about my family.  Specifically, my Mississippi family.  We’re a loud, crazy, church-going, baby-having, everybody’s-child-whoopin’, mac-n-cheese making, potentially lethal-force-using bunch. 

Family gathering include stories of inspiring personal and professional success and reports that include the phrase, “but I think he’s out now.”   We use the n-word liberally among ourselves---both as a term of endearment, as a generic personal pronoun, and as a title of disdain.  Scriptures and profanities are equally common in conversation, often from the same relative; sometimes in the same sentence.

We fight each other (literally, physically fight, not as a figure of speech or a synonym for having a verbal disagreement); but we will defend one another from the cradle to the grave-side service.  Some secrets might come out at the post-funeral repast, but not before. 

People who don’t understand us might think we’re chaotic or contradictory.  But, those people just don’t understand us.

The most beautiful thing about my family, the thing that keeps me coming back here after every time I leave vowing to never return, is our capacity to harmonize contradiction. 

Harmonize.  Contradiction.

If I say something stupid during Thanksgiving dinner at Aunt Bessie’s house, then every cousin there will say, “Ted, you might be smart, but that’s the stupidest blanket-blank thing I’ve ever heard in my life. “  Then they’ll spend about 5 minutes loudly explaining precisely how and why what I’d said was stupid.

(By the way, it’s an understood rule in my family that you cannot leave the room during the barrage of criticism.  If you were big enough to say it, you have to be big enough to take what’s said about it.)   

Now later, when the conversation turns to an area in my line of work, those same cousins will call me in and ask my opinion.  And they will seriously listen to what I say.

My folks can acknowledge you as smart while simultaneously berating you for saying something stupid. 

They’ll tell you that you’re beautiful. But if you dress stank, they’ll tell you that, too.

It’s no problem for us to see that you’re great at making money but you suck at handling the money you make. 

We are not taken aback by the contradiction in doing our best to treat everybody right while expecting folks to try their best to cheat you.

A common refrain in my family is, “You know I love you, but I’ll kill you.”

When you hear this, understand that both statements are totally, literally true.

We harmonize contradictions.

This family trait has passed to me the ability to  accept you for who you are without compromising my opinion about whether who you are is immoral, idiotic, or ugly.

I can love you and argue you into the ground and never love you any less.

You can piss me off and still receive my sincere help, because helping you doesn’t mean I’m not still pissed off, and being pissed off doesn’t mean I ain’t gonna help you if you need it.  We can settle up on your consequences later--- and we probably will.

Not everyone can deal with this harmonizing of contradictions.  Thin-skinned, easily offended in-laws don’t usually last very long, but if you survive the hazing of the probationary period you are family for life no matter what your spouse says.  My family endures.  We are stronger and stranger every year, but we are still here and we are still --- us.

 

The older I get and the better I understand my calling, the more I appreciate and need this crazy family of mine. 

You, too, should take a fresh look at the people you eat with this Thanksgiving.  Beyond and beneath all the stress and holiday tension, find that thing that makes this bunch worth coming back to.  Look at yourself and recognize the good parts that have always been there.   Acknowledge the role your family played in producing those good parts.  And thank God for your family.

Remember this.  Mary was not the only female descendant of King David living in Israel when Jesus was born.  Joseph was not the only male descendant of David left when Jesus was born.  On the night of Jesus’ birth in Bethlehem, the lown was literally full of other men and women with the same bloodline.  Yet, God chose Joseph and Mary specifically to be the earthly parents of His eternal Son. 

Your family is no accident.  In planning you, God planned them.

Think about that and be thankful today for family.

I am.

Psalm 139: ¹³     For You formed my inward parts;

     You covered me in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴     I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
     Marvelous are Your works,
     And that my soul knows very well.
¹⁵     My frame was not hidden from You,
     When I was made in secret,
     And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.
¹⁶     Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
     And in Your book they all were written,
     The days fashioned for me,
     When as yet there were none of them.

---Anderson T. Graves II

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is the pastor of Hall Memorial CME Church

Call/ fax: 334-288-0577
Email us at hallmemorialcme1@aol.com
Friend Pastor Graves at www.facebook.com/rev.a.t.graves

If you want to be a blessing to this ministry, contributions may be made by check or money order.

Mail all contributions to :

Hall Memorial CME Church
541 Seibles Road
Montgomery, AL 36116