I HOPE THEY LAUGH WHEN I DIE

There’s an old Southern tradition of “sitting with the family” when someone dies. (It might not be strictly Southern, but it seems Southern-ish.)  This means that when a member of my congregation dies, it is my duty as pastor to visit the home of the deceased and make myself available to talk, to listen, to counsel-advise, and otherwise shepherd the family through the grieving process.

That’s what I’ve been doing the last few days since Isabell Seawright, the oldest member of Hall Memorial CME Church, passed away.  The people who gathered in the family house had lost their mother, grandmother, great-grandmother, auntie, mother-in-law, best friend, neighbor, mentor, and matriarch.  We were a house full of people in mourning. 

And we spent most of the time LAUGHING.

Now this wasn’t the forced, nervous laughter of people pretending that their hearts aren’t broken.  Nor was it the bitter laughter of people diverting attention from their guilt by ridiculing others and revealing their hurtful secrets.

The laughter at Mother Seawright’s house was pure, peaceful, genuine, and virtually continuous.

Mother died, and we laughed.

It was beautiful.

It was the sound a pastor prays for (or should pray for), because it was the sound of a family whose individual and collective memories of 92 ½ years were full of joy.

The laughter was the sound of peace--the kind of peace that people have when they are absolutely certain that if there is a Heaven, Mama’s there; and if there isn’t a Heaven, God will make one just for her.

The laughter was the sound of a family diverse as any other, but united in their love for this one woman.  It was the sound of 4 generations who each and all honored their matriarch and had received her smiling blessing in turn.

The laughter was the sound of the legacy of a loving life so well lived that not even death could diminish her spiritual presence.

I want to live that well. I want to raise up a family--- a tribe--- like Mother Seawright did.  And when I pass on, I want to leave them with unreserved joy.  I want them to gather without drama even when I’m not there to preside and mediate.  I want to leave my family, my church, and my community such a well-lived life that compliments, flowers, and resolutions are insufficient.  I want to pass on the kind of peace and hopefulness that cannot be contained in silence or corralled in words and so must manifest as only the greatest joys can---- in laughter.

I’ve always looked up to Mother Seawright, but I admire her more now than I ever did.

She gave me one more goal:  to make my family laugh when I die.

Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.  (Luke 6: 21)

---Anderson T. Graves II   is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church in Fairfield, Alabama;  executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO);  and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).

Email atgravestwo2@aol.com

Friend me at www.facebook.com/rev.a.t.graves

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Fairfield, Al 35064