First off, the Bible
only directs wives to submit to their legal husbands NOT women as a species to
submit to men in general. The Bible does not grant men in general authority over women in general. Historically, men dominated all institutions, and the Bible faithfully records that tradition. But, except for fathers
and husbands, God never COMMANDS women to submit to all men.
Also, and this is critically important, the Bible only talks about a wife submitting to her husband (as, Ephesians 5;21, they submit to one another), NEVER about a girlfriend submitting to her boyfriend.
As my wife has been
known to explain, “You ain’t my daddy and you ain’t my husband.” As, I’ve been
known to explain, “You other dudes can kick rocks.”
And as for husbands:
in his letter to the Colossian church, Paul, the bachelor who had a low
personal opinion of marriage, was compelled by the Holy Spirit to issue this
command: Husbands, love your
wives, and do not be harsh with them (3:19).
Let me rephrase
that.
GOD said that men are
not allowed to be mean to our wives.
In the Old Testament
book of Malachi, God rebuked His people for their idolatry, and corruption, but
then God turned and said, “And let Me tell you another thing you do that REALLY
ticks Me off! You come to church crying
at the altar, praying and begging. But I
don’t listen. And you’re like ‘Why? Why won’t God listen to our prayers?’ And I’m
like ‘Because I see how you mistreat your wives.’ “
And this is the second thing you do: You
cover the altar of the Lord with tears, with weeping and crying; so He does not
regard the offering anymore, nor receive it with goodwill from your hands.
Yet you say, “For what reason?”
Because the Lord has been witness between you
and the wife of your youth, with whom you have dealt treacherously. Yet she is your companion And your wife by
covenant. (Malachi 2: 13,
14)
GOD SAID that it
pisses Him off when husbands mistreat their wives.
It’s a sin for a man
to abuse or wrong his wife. Literally a
sin. A sin so terrible, so personally
offensive to God, that when a man does his wife wrong, God doesn’t even want to
hear that man’s prayers. And just in
case you missed that in the Old Testament, God repeated it in the New
Testament.
Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in
an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since
they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not
be hindered. (1 Peter
3:7)
Peter, a husband and Jesus' closest personal friend, asserted that my eternal inheritance is somehow tied to how good I
am to my wife. God commands me to try to understand Sheila. God requires me to honor her.
Point blank, a
husband who mistreats his wife jeopardizes his relationship with God.
. . . Therefore take heed to your spirit, and
let none deal treacherously with the wife of his youth. (Malachi 2: 15)
So, there is no way
that the same God who said, “Don’t even talk to me if you’re being mean to your
wife,” is O.K. with domestic abuse. There
is no way, that “submit to your husband” means let that dude beat you up. There is no way that God intended being the
head of your family to mean hitting your
wife upside the head.
God used Paul the bachelor to
command husbands to love your wives, just
as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself for her.
We yell so much over
the submit verses that we don’t hear God
telling husbands to treat their wives like they want to be treated.
So husbands ought to love their own wives as
their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no
one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord
does the church. (Ephesians 5:28, 29)
No dude wants to be
beaten up or degraded. So ---- don’t do
that to women. GOD SAID, “Don’t do that
to women.”
No man wants to be
bankrupted by his spouse or left to care for his children without the means to
provide for them. So GOD SAID, “Don’t do
that to women.”
But if anyone does not provide for his own,
and especially for those of his household, he has denied the faith and is worse
than an unbeliever. (1
Timothy 5:8)
Wives are God’s gift
to men. (Bro, if you picked up the wrong
one, I’m sorry but that’s your fault.) As
with all Divine gifts I am steward of my wife’s heart for a time, but at the
end of time I’m required to present Sheila to God in better condition that I received
her. That’s another part of Ephesians 5
we skip over.
. . . that He might present her to Himself a
glorious church, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing, but that she
should be holy and without blemish. (Ephesians 5:27)
(And no, that verse
does not require husbands to cover plastic surgery or botox.)
Yes, many men abuse
women. And, yes, way too frickin’ many
of them are professed Christians.
But. BIBLICAL Christianity prohibits
domestic abuse. GOD clearly, explicitly,
and repeatedly commands men to be good, Christ-like husbands who protect the
bodies of their wives, provide for them, and love them with the understanding
and grace that Jesus showed to us.
Any man who does
otherwise and calls himself a Christian is lying on God.
---Anderson T. Graves II is a writer, community organizer and
consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.
Rev. Anderson T.
Graves II is pastor of
Miles Chapel CME Church in
Fairfield, Alabama; executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth
Networking Organization
(SAYNO); and director of rural leadership
development for the National Institute for Human Development (
NIHD).
Email atgravestwo2@aol.com
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