Proverbs 31: 12 She does him good and not evil all the days of her life. Proverbs 31: 12. In the early days of the Methodist movement, before the small groups that were meeting had become a denomination, John Wesley created the “General Rules of the United Societies.” These rules outline foundational principles of Methodism.
Don’t go away. This’ll all connect with Proverbs 31. Stay with me.
Among the theological declarations in the General Rules are 3 life rules that Methodist are expected to “continue therein that they should continue to evidence their desire of salvation.”
These general rules don’t make you saved, but they do express your salvation. The first 2 of those rules are:
1) By doing no harm, by avoiding evil of every kind, especially that which is most generally practiced
2) By doing good … as they have opportunity, doing good of every possible sort
Do good and don’t do harm. That’s the evidence that you have a right relationship with Jesus Christ.
Now read Proverbs 31: 12.
Do good and don’t do harm That’s the evidence that you have a right relationship with your husband/wife.
Get it?
The same rules that apply to your Christian relationship with other people------- those exact same rules apply to your family relationship with the other spouse.
We talk about a man treating his wife like a queen and a woman treating her husband like a king. We talk about a husband being his wife’s protector and her being his greatest cheerleader. We talk about husbands and wives treating each other like friends, like partners, like missing halves.
Among all of these analogies, we often forget something. We forget to treat each other LIKE CHRISTIANS.
I don’t go around cussing people out ----- not because they don’t deserve it----- because that’s not the Christian thing to do (Ephesians 4: 29). So, I also don’t cuss at my wife, because she deserves at least the same Christian courtesy I show to everybody else.
You know that you have to forgive people who wrong you because Jesus said that you have to (Matthew 11: 25). So you can’t stay mad at my husband or wife for something he/she said in 1998. You forgive them because you’re still a follower of Christ, even in the context of your marriage. (Colossians 3: 19)
You have to help people (Matthew 25: 31-46). You have to tell the truth even when a lie would be more convenient (Zechariah 8: 16; Ephesians 4: 25). You have to live so that your life expresses, and doesn’t contradict ,the Biblical message of God’s grace and holiness(Matthew 5: 16) .
So also, you have to be honest with your spouse. You have to be there for them. You have to live with your husband/ live your wife in such a way that your actions in the family make your spouse want to know your Jesus better.
In the opening verses of 1 Peter chapter 3, the Apostle talks very specifically about husband and wives. Then around verse 8, Peter switches into general instructions for all Christians.
Be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous.
Do not return evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary bless, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. For he who would love life and see good days, Let him refrain his tongue from evil, and his lips from speaking deceit. Let him turn away from evil and do good. Let him seek peace and pursue it. For the eyes of the Lord are on the righteous, and His ears are open to their prayers; but the face of the Lord is against those who do evil. (1 Peter 3: 8-12) Did you catch that part in the middle? Let him turn away from evil and do good. (1 Peter 3: 11)
Same thing Wesley said to the emerging Methodist church.
Same thing King Lemuel and his mother said about the ideal wife in Proverbs 31.
Though God’s instructions for marriage don’t always apply to general behaviors in the church, God’s instructions for conduct in the church do generally apply to conduct in the family.
We forget that sometimes. And that’s when we hurt the one we love most.
When you don’t know which magazine’s marital advice to apply, remember this: Always treat your husband, always treat your wife at least as well as you know God wants you to treat your other brothers and sisters in Christ.
---Anderson T. Graves II is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.
Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Hall Memorial CME Church in Montgomery, Alabama, executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO) and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD). If this message helps or touches you, please help support this ministry. Send a donation of any amount by check or money order.
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Hall Memorial CME Church
541 Seibles Road
Montgomery, AL 36116
