The
Apostle Paul was all about self-control.
In 1 Corinthians, he referred to himself as a spiritual athlete who
disciplined his body to keep it under control (9: 24-27). In advice to his protégé Titus, Paul advocated
self-discipline and self-control as necessary for a Christian leader (1: 8; 2:
12). In Galatians 5, Paul listed
self-control as one of the fruit of the having the Holy Spirit. Paul developed such mastery of his desires
that he remained celibate his entire life---- and not-locked-in-a-monastery celibate
or restricted-by-a-vow-and-church-mandate celibate, but traveling-all-over-the-middle-east-and-Mediterranean
celibate because I choose to be.
That’s
some serious self-control.
But,
sometimes Paul got really, really emotional, like in 2 Corinthians.
O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to
you, our heart is wide open. (2 Corinthians 6: 11)
“Hear
wide open”? Sounds like the title of an
emo-rock song.
Paul
went on to say:
We are not withholding our affection
from you, but you are withholding yours from us (verse 12, NIV)
And
to ask/ beg the Church of Corinth to:
Open your hearts to us. We have
wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have cheated no one. (2 Corinthians 7: 2)
Paul
sounds downright SENSITIVE.
I
was thinking about this for Sunday school and wondering, “What happened to all
of that 1st century self-control?”
And I realized that the question revealed as much about me and my social
context as it did about Paul and his.
My
community in Bassfield, Mississippi, trained me to control my emotions. From my earliest memories of interacting with
adults, my father, my mother, aunts, uncles, older cousins, teachers, my big
sister---- everybody taught, tested, and reinforced the idea that to “man up”
and “grow up” I had to put my feelings in check. Strength and maturity meant emotional self-control.
Since
those formative years I’ve been blessed to learn other perspectives on
emotional well-being. I came of age at
the height of the sensitive man movement.
My peers have led the charge in giving men and boys the freedom to
cry. I look back now on those early rural
lessons in self-control, and I compare that with what I’ve learned in my
intellectual wanderings, and Paul’s emotional perspective in the Bible.
Now
I know.
My
folks in Bassfield were right.
Kinda.
Emotional
self-control is a mark of maturity.
Emotional self-discipline does indicate personal strength.
But
not the way we typically practice them.
Love,
mercy, transparency, forgiveness, humility, compassion, tenderness, etc. make
you vulnerable. These feelings lead you
into situations in which you give more than you receive. These emotions make you available to people, some of whom will inevitably hurt you.
Anger,
vengeance, lust, ambition, etc. make you feel strong and powerful. They lead to the pursuit of immediate
self-satisfaction, which is ---- well, it’s immediately self-satisfying.
Most
people, especially men, think “control” means suppressing the emotions that
make you feel vulnerable while feeding the emotions that make you feel strong.
That’s
the exact wrong kind of self-control.
God
wants us to have the RIGHT KIND of self-control. In Genesis 2, Cain, Adam’s & Eve’s oldest
son, got angry at his little brother Abel.
God told Cain to get a hold on his emotions.
So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you
angry? And why has your countenance fallen? If you do well, will you not be accepted?
And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for
you, but you should rule over it.” (Genesis 4: 6, 7)
Don’t
let your feeling control you, Cain, but
you should rule over it.
Biblcal
self-control means that we check, cool, suppress, subjugate, rule over the
negative emotions that make us feel strong.
Those are the ones we watch and hold in check.
We
feel anger, but we control it so that it doesn’t become sin. (Ephesians 4: 26)
The
Old Testament passage that Ephesians quotes explains how to self-regulate that
anger.
Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate
within your heart on your bed, and be still. (Psalm 4: 4)
The
sun shouldn’t go down on our wrath because we’re supposed to sit down, calm
ourselves, and find our emotional anchor in God.
Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and
put your trust in the Lord. (verse 5)
This
is how the Bible teaches us to control our emotions.
Consciously
check the emotions that make you feel close you off and make you feel strong in
the short term, and deliberately nurture the emotions that open your heart to
others.
And may the Lord make you increase and
abound in love to one another and to all, just as we do to you (1 Thessalonians
3: 12)
Peter
said
Finally, all of you be of one
mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be
tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for
reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this,
that you may inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3: 8, 9)
And
even though Peter didn’t always get his fellow-apostle Paul (2 Peter 3: 15,
16); Peter didn’t think it was too hard
to understand Paul’s perspective on self-control.
Paul,
the apostle of self-discipline, was so touch-feely in his letter to the
Corinthians because transparent, vulnerable brotherly love is the epitome of strength
and self-control.
Think
about Moses.
Now the man Moses was very humble, more
than all men who were on the face of the earth. (Numbers 12: 3)
Think
about Jesus.
Think
about the discipline, the strength, the self-control it took to not burn down
the whole doggone planet, but instead to love, forgive, heal, help, listen to,
repeat Himself over and over and over to, and sacrifice Himself for------
everybody.
Individual
self-control is good, and Biblical, and necessary. But’s it’s different from what we may have
learned.
And
so, self-control in Jesus’ name in Jesus church is not the stuck up, funless, heartless
shallow religiosity we have too often practiced.
Christian
self-discipline in the church means having the strength to be humble, weak, and
vulnerable in front of people.
It
means being strong enough to speak openly and say, “My heart is wide open to
you.”
In
the church, ruthlessness means immaturity. Maturity brings transparency. Power struggles are for babes in Christ. Mature Christians seek opportunities to give
not to acquire.
I speak as to my children--open wide
your hearts also. (2 Corinthians 6: 13)
Add
that kind of self-control to sound knowledge of Biblical truth, and God will
add to the church today like He added to the church in Paul’s and Peter’s day.
But also for this very reason, giving
all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge
self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to
godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these
things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor
unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1: 5-8)
Anderson T. Graves II is a
writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural
leadership development.
Rev. Anderson T. Graves II
is pastor of Miles
Chapel CME Church (5220
Myron Massey Boulevard) in Fairfield, Alabama; executive director of the
Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO); and director of rural leadership development for the
National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).
Friend me at www.facebook.com/rev.a.t.graves
