SELF CONTROL

The Apostle Paul was all about self-control.  In 1 Corinthians, he referred to himself as a spiritual athlete who disciplined his body to keep it under control (9: 24-27).  In advice to his protégé Titus, Paul advocated self-discipline and self-control as necessary for a Christian leader (1: 8; 2: 12).  In Galatians 5, Paul listed self-control as one of the fruit of the having the Holy Spirit.  Paul developed such mastery of his desires that he remained celibate his entire life---- and not-locked-in-a-monastery celibate or restricted-by-a-vow-and-church-mandate celibate, but traveling-all-over-the-middle-east-and-Mediterranean celibate because I choose to be.

That’s some serious self-control.

But, sometimes Paul got really, really emotional, like in 2 Corinthians.

O Corinthians! We have spoken openly to you, our heart is wide open. (2 Corinthians 6: 11)

“Hear wide open”?  Sounds like the title of an emo-rock song.

Paul went on to say:

We are not withholding our affection from you, but you are withholding yours from us (verse 12, NIV)

And to ask/ beg the Church of Corinth to:

Open your hearts to us. We have wronged no one, we have corrupted no one, we have cheated no one.  (2 Corinthians 7: 2)

Paul sounds downright SENSITIVE.   

I was thinking about this for Sunday school and wondering, “What happened to all of that 1^st century self-control?”  And I realized that the question revealed as much about me and my social context as it did about Paul and his.

My community in Bassfield, Mississippi, trained me to control my emotions.  From my earliest memories of interacting with adults, my father, my mother, aunts, uncles, older cousins, teachers, my big sister---- everybody taught, tested, and reinforced the idea that to “man up” and “grow up” I had to put my feelings in check.  Strength and maturity meant emotional self-control.

Since those formative years I’ve been blessed to learn other perspectives on emotional well-being.  I came of age at the height of the sensitive man movement.  My peers have led the charge in giving men and boys the freedom to cry.  I look back now on those early rural lessons in self-control, and I compare that with what I’ve learned in my intellectual wanderings, and Paul’s emotional perspective in the Bible.

Now I know.

My folks in Bassfield were right.

Kinda.

Emotional self-control is a mark of maturity.  Emotional self-discipline does indicate personal strength.

But not the way we typically practice them.

Love, mercy, transparency, forgiveness, humility, compassion, tenderness, etc. make you vulnerable.  These feelings lead you into situations in which you give more than you receive.  These emotions make you available to people, some of whom will inevitably hurt you.

Anger, vengeance, lust, ambition, etc. make you feel strong and powerful.  They lead to the pursuit of immediate self-satisfaction, which is ---- well, it’s immediately self-satisfying.

Most people, especially men, think “control” means suppressing the emotions that make you feel vulnerable while feeding the emotions that make you feel strong.

That’s the exact wrong kind of self-control.

God wants us to have the RIGHT KIND of self-control.  In Genesis 2, Cain, Adam’s & Eve’s oldest son, got angry at his little brother Abel.  God told Cain to get a hold on his emotions.

So the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? And why has your countenance fallen?  If you do well, will you not be accepted? And if you do not do well, sin lies at the door. And its desire is for you, but you should rule over it.”  (Genesis 4: 6, 7)

Don’t let your feeling control you, Cain, but you should rule over it.

Biblcal self-control means that we check, cool, suppress, subjugate, rule over the negative emotions that make us feel strong.  Those are the ones we watch and hold in check.

We feel anger, but we control it so that it doesn’t become sin. (Ephesians 4: 26)

The Old Testament passage that Ephesians quotes explains how to self-regulate that anger.

Be angry, and do not sin. Meditate within your heart on your bed, and be still. (Psalm 4: 4)

The sun shouldn’t go down on our wrath because we’re supposed to sit down, calm ourselves, and find our emotional anchor in God.

Offer the sacrifices of righteousness, and put your trust in the Lord. (verse 5)

This is how the Bible teaches us to control our emotions.

Consciously check the emotions that make you feel close you off and make you feel strong in the short term, and deliberately nurture the emotions that open your heart to others.

And may the Lord make you increase and abound in love to one another and to all, just as we do to you (1 Thessalonians 3: 12)

Peter said

Finally, all of you be of one mind, having compassion for one another; love as brothers, be tenderhearted, be courteous; not returning evil for evil or reviling for reviling, but on the contrary blessing, knowing that you were called to this, that you may inherit a blessing. (1 Peter 3: 8, 9)

And even though Peter didn’t always get his fellow-apostle Paul (2 Peter 3: 15, 16); Peter didn’t think it was too hard to understand Paul’s perspective on self-control.

Paul, the apostle of self-discipline, was so touch-feely in his letter to the Corinthians because transparent, vulnerable brotherly love is the epitome of strength and self-control.

Think about Moses.

Now the man Moses was very humble, more than all men who were on the face of the earth. (Numbers 12: 3)

Think about Jesus.

Think about the discipline, the strength, the self-control it took to not burn down the whole doggone planet, but instead to love, forgive, heal, help, listen to, repeat Himself over and over and over to, and sacrifice Himself for------ everybody.

Individual self-control is good, and Biblical, and necessary.    But’s it’s different from what we may have learned.

And so, self-control in Jesus’ name in Jesus church is not the stuck up, funless, heartless shallow religiosity we have too often practiced. 

Christian self-discipline in the church means having the strength to be humble, weak, and vulnerable in front of people.

It means being strong enough to speak openly and say, “My heart is wide open to you.”

In the church, ruthlessness means immaturity. Maturity brings transparency.  Power struggles are for babes in Christ.  Mature Christians seek opportunities to give not to acquire.

I speak as to my children--open wide your hearts also. (2 Corinthians 6: 13)

Add that kind of self-control to sound knowledge of Biblical truth, and God will add to the church today like He added to the church in Paul’s and Peter’s day.

But also for this very reason, giving all diligence, add to your faith virtue, to virtue knowledge, to knowledge self-control, to self-control perseverance, to perseverance godliness, to godliness brotherly kindness, and to brotherly kindness love. For if these things are yours and abound, you will be neither barren nor unfruitful in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. (2 Peter 1: 5-8)

---Rev. Anderson T. Graves II   (email:  atgravestwo2@aol.com )

Anderson T. Graves II is a writer, community organizer and consultant for education, ministry, and rural leadership development.

Rev. Anderson T. Graves II is pastor of Miles Chapel CME Church (5220 Myron Massey Boulevard) in Fairfield, Alabama;  executive director of the Substance Abuse Youth Networking Organization (SAYNO);  and director of rural leadership development for the National Institute for Human Development (NIHD).

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